its the dumest thing in the world. im sitting here, its 2:39. i looked at your page. again.
i was so good.
then YOU got me to dig it all up again. now you are't talking to me.
i tried to sort it out, but you never replied. suppose i landed myself neatly in the "crazy X" category.

not that you seem to care.

you promised that you would.
i promised id send you a letter for your birthday. dont know if i should. will prob look the fool. but then again, i suppose i look like one anway.

the dumbest thing about this kind of behaviour is the fact that even if i could, i know i wouldnt go back there. at least not for now.
how could i?

i wonder if I (ME!) was ever THAT special. probably not. i was just lucky to have been spoiled by you.

Deb told me that M randomly said to her over FB chat or something that he wants to **** her. nothing more than that. just fucking FUCKing.
maybe thats why i dont hear from him. how wants something from a girl like me?
i guess it makes it easier when the "good", "clean" girls act that way. then the biys know where to go.
think anyone tracking my movements in a place like friars ona night like tonight would have been convinced im a total whore.
maybe i am.

a whore that doesnt fuck anyone.

but im still fucked up.

i saw Eminem's Lose Yourself music video today. (was loookin at video's, was listenin to White Lies 'the price of love' today and thought i cold make a kiff music video) anyway, i recognised something i him that i believe i share: a kind of innate aggression towards the world. an aggression (thou perhaps apprears on the surface to be uncalled for, or totally out of proportion - something that no one[including yourself sometime, many times]) that is hard to explain, yet exists.
i think that it was this deep, inborn, feeling - need - to fight the world ane everything in it that got him where it is today.
i cant remember what the point to this was..
oh. im fucked up.

maybe not asd badly as others. most would was what the hell is my prob compared to others.
its my issues are just that. MINE

when i really think about it,
i think what realy gets to me more thn anything is how you can obviously be so happy with her, while a am just a dark, negative cloud to you.
and, naturally, cos im lonely......

i wish i was the one still being smooth talked.

even if its just talk............